


Ghosts Never Leave

by WanderingTheRailroads



Category: Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae o Boku-tachi wa Mada Shiranai
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Anohana, Character Death, Drabbles, F/M, Family, Fatherhood, Feels, Futurefic, Gen, Good End, Minor OC - Freeform, Motherhood, OC, Painting, Post-Canon, Pregnant, happy endings for everyone i guess, minifics, ooc, parenting, speculative fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 13:04:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1511567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WanderingTheRailroads/pseuds/WanderingTheRailroads
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She leaves, but doesn't. They move on, but don't.</p><p> </p><p>5 stories of Menma and the people she loves, and how they deal with a world post-Menma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Signs; Forget-Me-Not

1) Poppo - Signs; Forget-Me-Not

 

Ghosts never truly leave us.

 

Poppo knows this phrase all too well; he’s seen evidence of it practiced everywhere.

India, where his host family calmly observes the yearly mourning for their deceased patriarch, followed by a portion of food spread out for the Brahmin priests officiating the ceremony.

Ireland, where he joins in the joyous throng of a funeral, celebrating a beloved daughter's illustrious life and achievements.  
  
China, where robed monks trod round the coffin chanting their sutras and the grieving husband swaps stories with friends and relatives over the feast table.

 

The old shack in the woods where the Super Peace Busters used to play, where he still hears Menma calling out to him sometimes.

 

But after that summer of  _her_  farewell, they all move on, and Menma becomes a thing of the past, though her name still comes up occasionally. Fifteen years down the line, Poppo wonders if he’ll ever see Menma again.

 

  _She’s gone for good, maybe even reborn. Jintan and Anaru have a kid. Tsuruko’s a rising star in the art world. Yukiatsu has his thriving business now. No, she would frown at me for being this way. I’m sorry, Menma_ ,  _but it’s just so hard to accept the fact._

 

Two months later, she saves his life. 

 

-

 

During another one of Poppo’s overseas excursions, he’s driving a rented 4x4 through Taiwan’s mountains, the air fresh with dew after morning rains, when an oddly nostalgic scent wafts into his nostrils. Struggling to place the origin of that scent, something clicks in his brain. _This smell…_

 

At that precise moment, Poppo glimpses a girl dressed in white with flowing silvery hair- no, not just any girl,  _her -_ standing in front of the Chinese-language ‘Warning: Landslides’ sign located some distance ahead.

 

His pupils dilate in shock, and he narrowly avoids skidding off into a ravine. When he comes to his senses, the apparition has disappeared. Then the earth rumbles, and a great torrent of soil and mud comes pouring down before his eyes to engulf the sign and everything surrounding it, stopping short of his jeep.

 

Shaken, Poppo feels a sharp pain in his right palm, and realizes he’s been clenching it so tightly that he’s drawn blood. As he uncurls his fingers and inspects the bleeding, a bluish flower falls into the palm of his open hand.

 

 Poppo breaks down in tears.

_  
_

 

He remembers the name of the flower he saw: forget-me-not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be kinda OOC for Poppo.
> 
> Anaru's up next.


	2. Birth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Death, and rebirth, and the stages in between. Anjou never forgets these things.

2) Anaru - Birth 

 

All things are born once, then they must die and be reborn, until they reach Nirvana.

 

Anaru has never been much of a superstitious individual, but even she knows the tenets of Buddhism which permeate every aspect of Japanese life.  Thus, she lays a bouquet of flowers at Menma’s gravestone and prays that her lost childhood friend may be reborn into a better life, or find Nirvana, whichever comes first. Year after year, the same ritual repeats itself.

 

“Are you well, Menma? Have you been reborn into a loving family? I hope you have....”

 

Perhaps she still feels a twinge of guilt for being indirectly responsible for what befell Menma, she muses. Perhaps this is a small way of atoning for it. 

 

But where there is death, there can also be birth.  Her persistent nausea is the first sign of a great change to come.

 

-

 

"How've you been, Menma? There’s someone I would like you to meet.”

 

 She places a hand on her swollen midsection, smiling, as the child within stirs and begins to kick and squirm in anticipation. Anaru, 8 months pregnant, pictures Menma all grown up and fawning over the soon-to-be-born child, and feels a profound sorrow. For a long while she sits cross-legged, her head resting on the gravestone as cicadas buzz noisily. Eventually, a voice cuts through the din.

 

 "Hey, Anjou, ready to go? The doctor's waiting!"

 

Throwing one last glance at the gravestone as she rises to her feet unsteadily, she smiles.

“Ah, when she’s born I’ll definitely bring her over to meet you for real. Well, I’ve got to go. See you soon, Menma.”

 

 

As she walks away, a whisper echoes in that voice from long ago. Startled, she turns around, but finds nobody there.

 

_Congratulations, Anaru! I can't wait to see her.  
_

 

-

 

All the pains, all the sleepless nights and mood swings and cravings, they've all led to this one moment, where Anaru holds her newborn daughter.  
  
_"Menma, say hi to Meiko."_

A warm breeze wafts through the open window of her hospital room. In the courtyard, forget-me-nots are blooming.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pregnant Anaru! :D
> 
> (That sounded wrong.)
> 
> The next fic is Welcome Home,a direct sequel starring Jintan.


	3. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Holy tits, writing this gave me the feels. It's a direct sequel to Birth, btw.)
> 
> He is sailing, homeward bound.

3) Jintan - Welcome Home

 

She awaits, somewhere beyond the sky.

 

 _Jintan. Wait for me! Jintan!_

 

He awakens from troubled sleep, his age-wrinkled face wet with tears.

 

“That dream again….ugh. Anjou, can you get me a glass of water…?”

 

Jintan stops himself in realization, remembering the events of a year ago.

 

 

_Mr Yadomi, is it? Well, I’m afraid we can’t do anything more to save her…the cancer has spread too rapidly, and surgery or chemotherapy would be out of the question. At her age…._

 

 

_I understand. Thank you, Doctor._

 

 

_Jintan, don’t worry about me. We’ve lived a full life, after all, and Meiko has her own family now. I’d think 60 years is enough._

 

 

_Anaru, I…_

 

 

_Ne, Jintan, did you know? I saw Menma in a dream last night._

 

_Anaru…_

 

 

_She was standing in the doorway of our old shack, her arms thrown wide as though welcoming me home. I miss Menma too, you know. I’m willing to bet she’s gotten lonely, so maybe it’s time to go home._

 

 

_Anaru!_

 

 

_Shh, don't cry. I'll see you again. soon._

 

 

He doesn’t leave his bed, choosing to sit idly and watch the Sun slowly climb upwards.

 

-

 

 

Later, as Jintan’s sipping his morning coffee –a habit he acquired in his 40s while working a desk job- , his cellphone rings.

 

 

“Ah, Meiko?”

 

 

“Dad, I was wondering….would you like to come over to the park? I’m bringing Touko and Jin along as well.”

 

 

“Definitely. I haven’t been able to meet you lately, with Hisagi’s busy schedule and all that. Sometimes, I wonder whether his boss has him on a leash,literally.”

 

 

“Oh, come on dad. He finally managed to secure some leave, you know! Which is exactly why I’m bringing the kids along today to give him a break.”

 

 

“That’s good to hear. I’ll be there in about…an hour?”

 

 

“Alright, dad, see you there. Love ya.”

 

- 

 

“So how have you been, Meiko?”

 

 

“Well, work is….busy. So very busy. But I’m coping pretty well, so don’t worry about it, dad. ” Jintan’s daughter waves her hand dismissively, all the while keeping a close watch on her two children playing a short distance away.

 

 

“Don’t overwork yourself, alright?”

 

 

As she speaks, Meiko frowns slightly. “I’ll be fine, dad. Relax. By the way, I think Touko has developed an imaginary friend of sorts. She’s been going on and on about this friend lately.”

 

 

“Oh? What’s the friend like? Is he tall, short, fat, thin?”

 

 

“Actually, it’s a  _she._  Touko showed me a sketch she made the other day.” Meiko, after rummaging through her handbag, eventually pulls out a crumpled sheet of paper. “Here.”  

 

 

Jintan gingerly unfolds the sheet of paper, only to fall speechless at his granddaughter’s crude drawing. A girl with silvery-gray flowing hair smiles back at him. 

 

_Menma._

 

Stunned, the paper slips out of his grasp, blown away by the wind, and Jintan suddenly feels very, very tired. The world’s going out of sync, everything seems to be distorted and spinning.

 

 

“Dad? Are you okay?”

 

 

In the distance, he sees a figure dressed in white, strolling towards him. She smiles and opens her arms wide.

 

 

_Welcome home, Jintan. I missed you._

 

Fade to black.

 

 -

 

“Jintan! Jintan!”

 

 

Jintan wakes up feeling oddly refreshed, and…..different? He quickly realizes that he seems to have become a child again. All around him are blue flowers, but the memory of their name evades him.

 

 

Somewhere, someone is calling out his name. Getting to his feet and gazing upwards, he notices an old wooden shack on the hill. There she stands in the doorway, waving her hands, with Anaru beside her.

 

Jintan races up the slope, into an endless summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pacing for the second half was a bit off, considering I wrote the whole fic in one go. Probably should rewrite some bits.
> 
> Yukiatsu's next.


	4. The Veil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghosts defy all logic, and Yukiatsu is the epitome of a logical man. But he can't let her go.

Ghosts don't exist, or so science says.

 

They defy all logic and are inherently irrational, being merely figments of the imagination or the delusions of a diseased mind. Most academics would frown upon such pseudoscience, but he defies their claims.

 

Surrounded by bone-white walls, Dr. Yukiatsu, aged 45, ponders the mystery that is Menma, as tubes snake everywhere, pumping fluids into his worn body.

 

-

 

In the spring after he graduates, Yukiatsu receives an academic letter of invitation to Tokyo’s most prestigious medical university, and his parents hold an obligatory celebration and farewell party, inviting relatives and friends in equal measure.

As happy as the mood is, Yukiatsu can’t help but feel a pang of loss when he gazes over at the Super Peace Busters mingling with his family. _Ghosts aren’t real,_ they say, yet he still sees her everywhere.

More accurately, Yukiatsu muses, he sees her _absence_ , the gap where she should be. _No Menma cheerfully congratulating him while hanging on to Jintan’s arm, no Menma playing with his little cousin, no Menma holding out a tray of rather badly made muffins_.

“Hey, Yukiatsu, you alright?” Yukiatsu hears Menma’s voice and immediately turns around, struggling to conceal his dejection when he sees only Anaru in her white dress, wearing a concerned expression. He puts on a fake smile.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

One of his aunts breaks his stupor to hand him a glass of sickeningly sweet syrup, and he gulps in down in one go, a bitter taste lingering on his tongue.

 

-

 

Their waving silhouettes are growing smaller and fading from view, his fingers pressed against the windowpane lightly. Yukiatsu’s attention is caught for a moment by an old lady bumping into him, and when he returns his gaze to the window, he realizes that Menma is running alongside the railway tracks, calling out his name.

“Yukiatsu! Yukiatsu!”

_Shit. Menma!_

 

In shock, Yukiatsu can only stare wide-eyed, until a sudden gust of wind stirs up a curtain of cherry blossom petals that obscure her completely. After the curtain parts, Menma has disappeared. He shivers, but not from the cold.

 

Yukiatsu keeps in contact with the rest throughout his years in Tokyo, occasionally bumping into them, where Tsuruko is interning with an art firm a few blocks away from his university and Jintan has moved in with Anaru in one of the numerous suburbs. Poppo…well, he brings Yukiatsu souvenirs and quality bonding time whenever he’s back in Japan.  

 

 

Two weeks before he begins a full-fledged medical career, Tsuruko invites him for dinner at her apartment. Over the course of a few months, they have been meeting more often, and Yukiatsu realizes something has changed between them, perhaps for the better. This time, though, an awkward silence persists at the dinner table and he feels as though they’re back to square one before Menma appeared that fateful summer.

 

“What are we, Yukiatsu?” Tsuruko finally breaks the silence as they’re doing the dishes, a hint of pain in her voice.

“I guess we’re dating? Sort of. ” In the corner of his eye, Yukiatsu notices Menma sitting at the far end of Tsuruko’s kitchen table making faces at him. Tsuruko’s expression hardens, and she flinches when he tries to touch her shoulder lightly, coldly replying.

 

“Yukiatsu. Please give me an honest answer.”

 

“Look, Tsuruko, what the hell do you want me to say?” He very nearly breaks a plate in frustration, but stops himself short. “Not much. Just answer me: you still can’t get over Menma, can you?”

Tsuruko’s words have always been razor-sharp, and Yukiatsu’s heart bleeds at the mention of Menma.

 

“What the hell does that have to do with-” Tsuruko cuts him off. “Just answer me, please.”

 

“I…no, I can’t. Tsuruko, I still see her everywhere. I saw her running beside the train when you guys sent me off. I saw her playing with one of my ill patients. I can see her sitting at the table right now, making faces at me. Goddamn it, Tsuruko, I just can’t get over her. ” Yukiatsu pounds the table hard in frustration, his face contorted halfway between sorrow and rage.

Her reaction, though harsh, is not entirely unexpected. Yukiatsu tries his best to ignore the stinging pain in his cheek as their shared silence resumes and deepens. Eventually, Tsuruko speaks softly.

“Actually, I can’t fully get over her too.”

After they have cried and screamed and shouted at each other, she slips her hand into his, and Menma looks away, blushing deep red at the sight of Tsuruko and Yukiatsu making out. _Who knew even ghosts could get embarrassed?_

 

-

 

He proposes to her on a rainy Sunday evening, three years into his tenure as a doctor, and the wedding is a low-key affair. The Super Peace Busters are there, of course. Jintan alternates between rubbing Anaru’s hugely pregnant belly – _it’s another girl, two months to go-_ and stroking his daughter’s head to calm her down, with Poppo playing the doting uncle to little Yadomi Meiko, who enthusiastically cheers when she sees Aunt Tsuruko enter the church.

Tsuruko, her hair done up in a bun, effortlessly glides down the aisle, and Yukiatsu finds his breath catching for a moment. Ahead of her Menma strolls, an intangible flower girl visible only to him.

“I do.” But he doesn’t, he can’t let her go.

 

-

 

Chiriko Tsurumi and Atsumu Matsuyuki eventually have two children, a boy and a girl, and Tsuruko takes it upon herself to be a good mother, tutoring them in art while Yukiatsu focuses on the decidedly more scientific aspects of education. He throws himself headlong into work, hoping it’ll erase his longing for Menma, but it never does.

 

-

 

Atsumu Karin is fifteen and Atsumu Ren eleven when Yukiatsu feels the first sharp pain in his chest during a particularly tense heart operation. He knows what it is from all his years of diagnosing symptoms and reading medical tomes, but Yukiatsu ignores the discomfort and presses on, hoping it’s nothing more than a false positive. A few minutes later, the scalpel slips from his fingers and clatters on the sterile floor.

_Burning. Hot. Painful. Menma, is this it? Will I finally meet you again?_

Before silence falls, the last thing he hears is Menma shouting his name and crying.

 

 -

 

When he wakes, Yukiatsu realizes he’s back in the Secret Base. As he frowns and ponders on whether Heaven looks like this, Menma –she looks much older now than he’s seen her all his life, not even a teenager but a grown adult- bursts through the doorway, practically leaping onto him in a tight hug.

 

“Yukiatsu! I’ve missed you!”

 

“Men…ma? What is this place?”

 

“The Secret Base, I guess”

 

“Am I…am I dead? Is this Heaven?”

 

She furrows her brow in concentration, looking ever like the little Menma they knew in life, but finally gives up that train of thought.

 

“Hmm, I’m not sure….” It seems that her mind is still that of a child. “Ah! I know! Um, they say that you don’t feel any pain in Heaven, so if I pinch you….”

 

Yukiatsu reluctantly extends his arm, grimacing as Menma pinches him hard drawing a little blood.

“So you’re not dead after all.” Menma deflates like a pricked balloon. “I guess that means you’re just passing by, Yukiatsu?”

“I suppose so. This would be what they call a Near Death Experience, then.”

“But…if you could stay longer…”

 

“I’m sorry, Menma. I’ve missed you my whole life, and I want to stay too, but I can’t.”

 

Menma pouts and shakes her head vehemently, wagging a finger at him. “No, no. Yukiatsu, don’t be selfish. Tsuruko’s waiting for you, right? Your son and daughter too. The Super Peace Busters are waiting. All your colleagues are waiting.”

 

She hugs him tighter, and for a moment, he wishes he was already dead, but then Menma pulls away, waving to him as she steps backwards through the doorway.

 

“You have to work hard, Yukiatsu. Make them happy, even without me around.  Goodbye, for now.”

His tears flow freely now as he kneels on the floor sobbing, and the world comes undone, dissolving into a blur of colours before everything fades to black again.

 

 

“Father!”

For a moment, his eyes struggle to adjust to the glaring white light, and when his vision clears he sees Karin frantically shaking his arm, with a nurse looking on disapprovingly.

“I’m home.”

 

-

 

“Hey, Tsuruko. I saw Menma, you know.  When I died. “

“Oh?”

“I guess sometimes it’s alright if you can’t fully let go. But I promise I won’t let you go either.”

Yukiatsu holds her hand while smiling, and falls asleep again, dreaming of a hut in the woods and a little girl dressed in white.  _Logic, huh?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter so far. Pacing may be a bit off.
> 
> Next up, Tsuruko (the hardest character to write, IMO).


	5. Still Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even after decades, she still misses Menma.
> 
> Art imitates life.

Despite all the accolades and awards she’s acquired over the years for her art pieces, there are times when even Tsuruko can fall into a slump. Today, her canvas remains blank, save for a few sketches and scribbles.

She sits by the window as summer’s sun illuminates her art studio, the white sheet of paper mocking her, taunting and jeering in the echoing voices of haughty art critics and columnists. “ _Have you run out of inspiration? Is your talent spent? Are you getting too old and dull for this? You’re getting more wrinkles nowadays, maybe it’s time you quit.”_

At that moment, Atsumu Ren, aged 15, runs past the doorway and halts in his tracks at the sight of his mother seated uncharacteristically still.

“Hi mum!”

 

At the sound of his voice, Tsuruko opens her eyes and peers on the face of her teenage son, gesturing to him. “Ren, could you get me a glass of water?”

“Alright!” Off he goes into the kitchen. Ren is the spitting image of Yukiatsu in his high school years, but with Tsuruko’s dark hair. He’s always up and about, getting himself involved in athletics and sports. Their eldest child, Karin, takes more after Tsuruko’s reserved nature. Karin will be home for the winter break soon…

“Here’s your water.” Ren’s voice breaks her musings, and she gingerly takes the glass from him, setting it down on the windowsill.

“Oh. Thanks, Ren.”

He plunks himself on a stool beside Tsuruko, gazing intently at the canvas filled with rough lines.

“Hey, mum, what’re you drawing?”

“I…don’t know. I’m still figuring it out.” Tsuruko admits dejectedly.

“Hmm…‘it’s not the destination but the journey that counts.’ Right?”

“That’s so clichéd, Ren. Where’d you hear that from?”

“Uncle Poppo!” Ren just flashes a confident smile, his spiky hair giving her the impression of some generic shounen protagonist. Evidently, Poppo has been introducing Ren to too much clichéd manga. Tsuruko can’t help but chuckle softly.

“Aw, come on mum. Don’t laugh at me! Uncle Poppo taught me so many cool expressions and phrases from old manga! He was going on about stuff like ‘believing in me that believes in you’ and ‘burning love’...”

“I suppose they’re pretty inspiring sayings.” she says, bemused at the thought of Poppo still acting that way in his 40s, as though he was frozen in time. “He’s never really changed, you know, always carefree and cheerful. I suppose some things stay the same…”

 

_We found you, Menma!_

_I love how kind you are, Tsuruko._

_I saw Menma,you know. When I was dead._

_Menma saved me in Taiwan._

_I heard her._

 

“Mum? You’ve been spacing out a lot today. Is everything alright?” Ren asks, leaning sideways to rest his head on Tsuruko’s shoulder. She ruffles his hair and shoves him away gently.

“You’re so spoilt, Ren. I’m fine. Just remembering an old friend who died years ago…”

“Oh! That’s Menma, right?”

Tsuruko is taken aback by his knowledge of her past, but quickly realizes her traveller friend has something to do with it. “How do you know…let me guess, Uncle Poppo told you?”

“Yeah! He said she was beautiful.”

“She was,indeed. What else did he tell you?” Her curiosity piqued, Tsuruko presses on in search of answers but what Ren says next halts her pursuit, prying open Tsuruko’s locked closet of memories.

“That he still misses her even now, sometimes. Do you? I bet she was really precious to all of you.”

“I do. So much. She was the heart of our group.”

 Tsuruko’s cheeks suddenly feel wet. Unnoticed, her desires have spilled forth from their hiding place. “I miss her. Daddy met her when he was in a coma. Uncle Poppo saw her in Taiwan.  She saved him. Auntie Anjou heard her voice. Did you know Menma loved how gentle I was? I’m not. I’m selfish and cruel. I have you and Karin and daddy, and the remaining Super Peace Busters, but all I want is to see her again. It’s been so many years…” She is sobbing now, desperately, and Ren envelops her in a tight hug, broad shoulders bearing his mother’s burden from long ago.

 

“Mum, why don’t you do a painting of her?” he suggests, murmuring into her ear.

“Huh? A painting…”

“I mean, that way you can see her again, right? Art imitates life.”

“I suppose you’re right. I’m sorry you had to see me like this, Ren.” Wiping her tears, Tsuruko struggles to maintain composure. Ren just smiles knowingly.

“Nah mum, it’s fine. Uncle Poppo also told me about how you cried the hardest when Menma left.”

 

 _How embarrassing_.

Her cheeks flush red, and she resolves to chew Poppo out when he stops by for his next visit. Just then, Tsuruko hears the sound of Yukiatsu’s car engine outside their gate. Rising to her feet, she steps out of the art room to let Yukiatsu in through their front gate, but not before slipping by her son and whispering in his ear.

“If you tell daddy about what happened, I swear I will ground you. Don’t you dare, Ren. Don’t you dare.”

He cheekily grins and flashes a peace sign.

The next day, Tsuruko’s painting is finished.

\-----

PROMINENT ARTIST DEFIES CRITICS, RETURNS TO ART WORLD WITH A BANG.

BEAUTY IN SIMPLICITY.

A MYSTERIOUS GIRL IN WHITE – INSPIRATION FOR ART.

WHO IS CHIRIKO-SENSEI’S MUSE?

MUNDANE SUBJECT, SOMEHOW TRANSFORMED INTO A THING OF BEAUTY

The art journals and magazines are awash with praises for Tsuruko’s latest piece, titled ‘Friend in Summer’. In the foreground, a silver-haired girl squats on the ground -she seems to be a teenager- and peers up at the viewer curiously, her white sundress billowing in the wind. The edges of her dress appear to be crumbling, turning to dust and blown away by the wind, and in her left hand, she holds a bouquet of dark blue flowers that are slowly shedding their petals. In the background, six children are playing, one of them climbing a large tree. The girl in white appears to be one of the children as well. Perhaps it is her younger self.

What is striking about the picture, though, is the teenaged girl’s mysterious smile and right hand extended in invitation.

Who is she smiling to, and who is she beckoning?

In the art gallery Tsuruko is gazing at her painting, deep in thought, when she feels a pair of warm hands encircling her waist and a familiar scent wafts through the air. She doesn’t turn around. She knows exactly who it is.

_Don’t worry, Tsuruko. I’m still here. I won’t leave you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I FINALLY finished this series. Here's Tsuruko's story :D
> 
> Atsumu Ren is basically a spiky-haired version of Yukiatsu (with black hair and less self-loathing).
> 
> Chapter 6 is supposed to be a bonus chapter, possibly revolving around Satoshi (Menma's little brother).


End file.
